This was extracted from a video by Sarah Kerr, founder of the Centre for Sacred Deathcare.

Talking about death can be difficult—especially if you’re in good health and not expecting it anytime soon. But the truth is, death can come for any of us at any time, and it’s still important to have that conversation, even when it feels far away.

It’s also important to talk with friends and family, even if they don’t feel ready. Many people aren’t open to talking about death for all kinds of reasons, and that’s okay. It’s essential to honour and respect where they are. The key is to approach the conversation gently—one small step at a time.

We titrate. We take tiny doses of truth, gradually. One way to begin is by creating a space for gentle witnessing. For example, instead of diving into personal feelings or plans, you might say:

• “I saw a movie where someone died, and it really made me think.”

• “I came across a video where someone talked about caring for their loved one after they died—I found it really moving. What do you think about that?”

These kinds of abstract or third-person examples don’t feel threatening. You’re not talking about your death or their death—just inviting reflection.

When you say, “This is what I want when I die,” it can escalate quickly into someone confronting their love for you and their fear of losing you. That can be overwhelming.

So start with the abstract. Then, gradually move a little closer:

• “When Grandma died, did you think her funeral felt right?”

• “My friend’s mother passed, and they handled things very differently—what do you think about that?”

• “When so-and-so was in hospice, how did you feel about the care they received?”

Slow steps. Going slow matters—because when people feel overwhelmed, they shut down. The goal is to keep the gates open, to gently turn the valve and let the conversation flow a little at a time. With patience, it will grow.