A Peaceful Home Death on Quadra
This article was written by Michael Lynch in honour of Robin Dempsey Lynch – October 5th 1941 to April 26th 2024.
Nothing I can say or write will bring anything new to the billions of words written over the past many centuries about the evolution of life. This is the true story of a quiet, elegant, brave, compassionate, loving, beautiful, talented and passionately private woman and her resolve to leave this world in a memorable and dignified manner.
For eighteen months before her passing, she had known with the onset of bone cancer that her days were numbered, although just not quite how many numbers. She had been treated for cancer twenty years ago and now it returned metastasised into her bones.
She declined medical intervention, “Why would I go through all that indignity just to live another few weeks?” is what she said at the time. She did not broadcast her situation to anyone but me for several months, then confided in the immediate family, our three daughters, two sons and five grandchildren. Her passing came as a surprise to the rest of her family and to most of our friends.
We talked a lot about the way to go and Robin tried, as best one can, to plan for the eventuality. She wanted to die at home, be taken by the family to the crematorium and after cremation to let us decide where to place her ashes. She only made one demand, “Please do not chuck me in the ocean”. Despite being born close to the ocean on a seafaring island and living for 13 years on Quadra, she was not fond of the sea.
Christmas 2023 was a rather somber affair as all of us realized that this might be her last one, but we all made it through the holiday with many laughs and memories. We even made it through our 61st wedding anniversary in February, but by Spring she stopped going for blood transfusions at the Campbell River hospital. By then we had contacted Way To Go, and began preparing to follow recommended steps.
Our adult children and grandchildren and one of her sisters were each able to spend dedicated time with her, a blessing. She was able to play cards with the grandsons and Scrabble with me until a couple of days before she died. She passed away peacefully encircled by all of the family at 5:05 pm on April 26th. Our oldest daughter, a Family Physician from Winnipeg, was able to supervise the pain medication and so Robin had 24-hour care from all of the family until the very end.
Then came the most difficult part, preparing her for her final journey. Our three daughters took on this task and she looked splendid when they were done. The Society offered us the use of a gurney, ice packs and a casket with a transportation box. The next morning, we placed her into my vehicle for the trip to Yates Funeral Home in Parksville. Robin and I drove together followed by the whole family. It was the most difficult drive of my life.
Our family thanks and gratitude go out to Way To Go of Quadra for guidance during this time, and help with the significant amount of official paperwork involved. Also, to Doctor Stephen Hughes who guided us through the stages of palliative care until the end and to the staff of the Medical Day Care Centre at the North Island Regional Hospital for their consistently compassionate care while Robin was undergoing blood transfusions.
The following poem was written on April 26th for Robin and Mike, by Dr. John Teskey.
Love, like stars adorn the night,
Come the dawn, still there,
But out of sight.
Article was written by Michael Lynch.